The truth is, I don’t know what will happen tomorrow.
I just know that i would still be sad, and that makes me a bit afraid, knowing sleep can only bring a short reprieve. But i know things happening are meant to change me, and in my lifelong quest to heal myself, to get better, this can’t do anything other than help, right? I can only learn from it. I can only come out stronger and wiser, if I am able to keep my learnings intact.
And even the sadness tomorrow might have its meaning, and one day I might be thankful for these things that occurred that i thought would undo me finally.
But they didn’t, and i have learned. That you always have to look out for yourself first. That its good to see the good in people, but know that they are also human and you can’t always trust that they know their way. They could be a little lost themselves, and in the process they will hurt you. Forgive them. But know this can happen and be aware of it next time.
I have learned that I have to be myself all the time. That i shouldn’t bend myself over people because bidding their will can only take you so far in the hopes of receiving their love. Love is given freely-it isn’t something you have to barter for. You do not have to keep up the impression all the time. You have to show them yourself, the best you could muster yes, but the best and the truth. Nothing matters more.
Words can only take you so far. It can mean a thousand things but it can also be cheap. You can’t live on words alone. Someone has to act on what they mean for you.
And lastly.. you gotta love yourself. When all else fail, when relationships are lost, when friends go away, you will only have yourself for a time, and you have to be able to make peace with your self love as it gets you through living once more.
I hope these learnings remain, really. It gets tiring to keep reviewing after a while.
Give me strength please, whoever you are out there.
This is what I whispered in prayers tonight.