Monthly Archives: August 2016

Amen

The truth is, I don’t know what will happen tomorrow.

I just know that i would still be sad, and that makes me a bit afraid, knowing sleep can only bring a short reprieve. But i know things happening are meant to change me, and in my lifelong quest to heal myself, to get better, this can’t do anything other than help, right? I can only learn from it. I can only come out stronger and wiser, if I am able to keep my learnings intact.

And even the sadness tomorrow might have its meaning, and one day I might be thankful for these things that occurred that i thought would undo me finally.

But they didn’t, and i have learned. That you always have to look out for yourself first. That its good to see the good in people, but know that they are also human and you can’t always trust that they know their way. They could be a little lost themselves, and in the process they will hurt you. Forgive them. But know this can happen and be aware of it next time.

I have learned that I have to be myself all the time. That i shouldn’t bend myself over people because bidding their will can only take you so far in the hopes of receiving their love. Love is given freely-it isn’t something you have to barter for. You do not have to keep up the impression all the time. You have to show them yourself, the best you could muster yes, but the best and the truth. Nothing matters more.

Words can only take you so far. It can mean a thousand things but it can also be cheap. You can’t live on words alone. Someone has to act on what they mean for you.

And lastly.. you gotta love yourself. When all else fail, when relationships are lost, when friends go away, you will only have yourself for a time, and you have to be able to make peace with your self love as it gets you through living once more.

I hope these learnings remain, really. It gets tiring to keep reviewing after a while.

Give me strength please, whoever you are out there.

This is what I whispered in prayers tonight.

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Constant

Be more outspoken. Just speak your mind. Be yourself. Do what you think is right for you. Do what will make you happy. Do what it takes to protect yourself. Don’t think about what people will think of you. What do they care? Why does their opinion have to matter. They aren’t living your life. Your history have to be written by you. Don’t let anybody else hold the pen.

nts

Zombie Apocalypse

Social media is killing you.

The process is this. It creates a hive mind idea and populates it will all the right wordings, right elements that will seem most agreeable to a cause. It could be a cool meme, a cyber bully caught on act, the new rising app or online game, the hottest loveteam. People will jump on this, one by one, liking it, “sharing”, spreading the word.. and you will see that it’s popular.. and your friends will start liking it.. your old professor.. your social media idol.. soon you’ll jump the bandwagon too.

This becomes a habit. And eventually even the posts that aren’t agreeable to your point of views.. will make you second guess to the point of liking it because the people you liked did too. Its gotta have a point if my friend believes this cause right? But that’s when you have fallen to the trap.

It molds the brain. With the popularity contests. With the beauty standards. Its the make up tutorials, the reality shows, the top 10s and award shows.. its even the feisty series you watch. Its all molding you to like what it presents.. to look at all things with it in mind as a standard. A woman isn’t beautiful unless she has that immaculate shaped brows. A guy isn’t hot unless he dresses like that billboard model, he is if he acts like your favorite tv cast. A person must be happy because they post pictures after pictures on their virtual wall. But its all a sham. It’s all a trick to make you think what is popular should be the norm. It isn’t.

You are allowed to derive. You are allowed your own style, you are allowed a semi non-existent eyebrows. But we forget that. Because if you post that on social media, you wouldn’t get a like. If you aren’t active on social media, you are not in. You are not participating in the community. You do not belong in the system.

And please don’t. Please derive yourself from the system. Doesn’t mean you have to shun social media, it is a form of communication after all, and communication is by all means needed in our ever-disconnecting world.

But please don’t drown in it. Don’t drown in it. It’s funny how we read dystopian novels with a sense of relief that we aren’t there yet. We are already living in one. Don’t let yourself be controlled by the hive mind. Stay with your true self before the virus ever touched you.

Lost

Never lose yourself in the process of loving someone. I seem to always forget this rule.

I lost my pride. I lost my sense of privacy. I lost my ego. All in the hopes of keeping you.

You weren’t hurting me. Not intentionally. You were merely lost yourself. And if my tolerance can help you find your way one day then i can tolerate all pains and still be with you.

You weren’t lying to me. Sometimes words are just really hard to come. And i can tell by your silence that you cared for me. Or so i made myself believe.

You love me. Though you don’t seem concerned by my absence. Though my leaving seems to have less impact than an occasional bad day.

You will pull through. Even though you passed up on all the chances to prove it. Even when you neglected me all times knowing i’ll allow it.

I have lost my self respect.. I lost it all.

That was not lost on you.