I posted last time about this show I was watching.. how it was doomed and all because one of the main characters was already a ghost. Imagine my silent shame as the story unfolded and I found out it wasn’t doomed after all, and that the character was living and they do end up together. I ate up my words then, a reminder how I do so a lot of times when I decide for what’s supposed to be the final time and then go back.. when I realize it wasn’t what I really wanted.
I read an article that changing your mind is not a sin.. it helps you grow, learn about yourself and what you would stand for in the end. Maybe because you’ve gotta have a final stand no matter, right? No matter how many times you change your mind, in the end you will end up with the one choice that suits you best. You just gotta raise your hopes to the universe that it’s the choice best fitted to everyone else involved too but isn’t everything?
Isn’t everything in it’s right place?
So I’m watching this TV series. A guy chases ghosts and fights them for a living. Meets a girl ghost who becomes his sidekick as he exorcise the evil spirits. Falls in love with her. Falls in love with a ghost.
What kind of ending would you expect from this storyline? Does she get back to life in the last episode? That’s ridiculous, though would only surprise me a little if it does happen.. after all, we’re all a sucker for nice stuff and happy endings. But at this point? It’s doomed man. It’s doomed. Why the heck am I still gobbling up the cheesy stares and kisses and pleads to “Never disappear from my sight ever again!”. Ugh.
Such masochists. People who creates and watches this stuff. Sorry. Pang-isang linggong ampalaya ata na-almusal ko.
So many things have happened.. things turn out well in the end and i still come out alive, yet i am scared of the future and am being chased by my past. I am scared of wrong decisions and twisted views that causes them. I am scared of ending up alone, and being around people who doesn’t love me enough to accept me no matter.. but none of these things matter. All should matter is what i am doing at the moment. Am i doing what I want? Will this make me happy? Am i not hurting anyone? That’s the only thing that should matter. Why am i still running around getting my way to that when it sounds so simple?
I’m sick and tired of wondering all the time.. do they love me? Do they truly care?
I love them. I’ve done my best to show them i do.. i will continue doing so while i still can. That’s enough. No more worrying about things i can’t control.
I think a huge part of the anxiety is wanting to be rooted somewhere.. of wanting to belong. And knowing that you shouldn’t be.. you are flowing, you belong everywhere and nowhere at all. It’s this kind of constricting freedom that displaces you. You want things to work out.. you want them to stay a certain way. You are craving for immortality. And it’s not gonna happen.
Anxiety is worrying about possibilities.. and wanting to control even the things that aren’t. You are better off without it. Let it go. Just let everything go.
It is never right to expect people to make life easier for you.
You create your life. You create your own happiness. Always.
Sometimes its really hard when you’ve got an all or nothing persona. You hide it all or you say it all, and usually it would end up hurting people you love without you ever meaning to.
The truth hurts a lot so you try to pacify it with silence. But it comes out, always, eventually. And people have to be strong for it. They have to want you enough in their lives to still take you in after it.
The truth is a monster. It’s a monster you don’t defeat, it usually damages you. And then you have to live through it after.
There’s the hope though. That you’ll be strong to take any truths without budging. Because you can take it.
I wish that for you and me.